The Burlap Soulmate

So many things to talk about. No time to do it. So you're getting the condensed version: The Election.
Went much smoother than I ever would have imagined. Some of my guys won, some lost. Stupid anti-gay thing passed, but I guess I kind of expected it. My guy did win the big one though. For what it's worth, I'm not a gay-bashing, bible thumping, redneck war-monger as others would have you believe. Bush is incompetent at times, arrogant at others. But here's the thing. I believe him when he says something. Thats really what it came down to. I could never ever bring myself to vote for a Taxachussets democrat who would say anything and do anything just to get elected. I am completely comfortable with my choice and am happy he won. That being said, had he not won, I would not be nearly as contrary and self-pitying as those on the other side. Get over it people. The sun still came up. The world kept spinning. You are still in control of your own destiny. Deal with it and move on. Money, jobs, residence:
No big surprise that we're broke again. No cable, so no internet. We could sign up for dial-up...if our phone wasn't turned off as well. Bastards. Imagine them wanting us to PAY them for their services. Had a job interview last week. I took the day off claiming I was assisting at my local polling place. Heh heh, a last minute stroke of genius that one. Anyway, it was more of a conversation than an interview. This guy and I really hit it off and it went by effortlessly, with him explaining what it is they do and me asking all the right questions, and answering a few myself. This after being 30 minutes late and almost bailing because I was tired and frustrated after not being able to find the place. I'll know if I get it by tomorrow. Staz has expressed an interest in moving back to Detroit. I'm afraid to hope for this possibility. It means being with old friends again, being closer to family, being in my home state which I dearly love and miss. We've managed to grow closer since our time there, but other than that, nothing has gone right for us since we left. Friends are getting married, having kids, buying homes, while we filed bankruptcy, struggled to pay our rent, buy food, or pay for our phone service. I'm 31 years old and have less to show for it than when I was 23. Maybe this will turn that around. But it's still Detroit. Crime, cold, shitty roads, and a single-commodity based economy. There are a lot of pluses and minuses. But I'd still like to try it. At least theres water. Blue Michigan water, not that brownish green sludge slipping along the Ohio river. That in and of itself is reason to move.

I spent last night at Staz's mom's house. It's closer to work and saves us money. Plus I got to look in on him as well. He needs his food, water, and litter checked on periodically. That and he just misses having people around. He was pretty much my only company for the evening So what did I do with my night of bachelorhood? Was it a night filled with drunken debauchery, wine women, and song? Not exactly. More along the lines of rice-a-roni out of the pan while watching Gilmore Girls.

I got this in my email the other day and couldn't help laughing. Sorry guys. Much as I love lobster bisque and steak, my degree only allows me the occasional Chipotle burrito or Panera Chicken Noodle soup. I love my old school, and always will. But the payoff from attending it has been less than advertised. And yet there is no shortage of arrogant asses being spawned by it either.

Darn you Hotmail. Did you really have to give me an extra 200 MB of space? Do you not realize that I now have no reason to sort through the six or seven HUNDRED emails in my account and get rid of all of the old, obsolete, or unnecessary ones? And I was so used to seeing the 'Account Size Critical' warning too.

I found out yesterday that I didn't get that job I interviewed for. It was disappointing but not heartbreaking. I've intentionally let my job search lax a bit in recent weeks. I really have no idea what to do for the near and/or distant future. We're talking about leaving but have no idea where to go. We're thinking that when Staz graduates we'll be moving, but thats only about 6 months from now. I simply cannot justify starting over with a new job for only a six month stint. My career is already too scattered and disjointed to survive more instability. What we really need to do is decide where to go and start my search there...now. Experience has taught that any good career opportunity takes several months to materialize, and only after a lot of groundwork. Couple that with the raise I got just recently, and it makes for some very hard decisions. I don't know what to think. It's been a while since I enjoyed a job this much, where I had as much fun or enjoyed as much respect, or actually felt good about what I was doing. I can easily see myself in charge of the engineering department here. I already pretty much am, except in name. But Staz is right too. What the hell good is all of the warm fuzzies and respect and admiration in the world if you can't pay your phone bill? If you're constantly putting off your life because you can't afford to do ANYTHING or go ANYWHERE? I'm so sick of living this way. There was a time when we could go out and have fun on occasion, when everything wasn't about how much food is in the pantry and how much fuel in the car. Every step forward leads to three steps backward, until I'm left to ask, Just how far back can we go? Sometiimes I just wish someone would point in a direction and say, GO THAT WAY. Right or Wrong, good or bad, it would be a direction. I think that is what I am truly lacking right now.

This is what I did this weekend:
Cleaned, Washed, Organized, Walked, Shopped, Drove, Ate, Made plans for the future, enjoyed the present for what it is (and is not) snuggled, cuddled, Shared Love, and a slice of pizza. This is who I did it with:
Staz, our kitties, our G-dawg, nice saleslady at the mall. Annoying salesman at same store later on. 30,000 of my closest friends also in the mall on a Saturday afternoon. This is how I feel about it:
Happy, Tired, Content, Anxious, Agitated, Hopeful, Disgruntled, Perplexed This is the mood I'm in tonight:
See above This is my plan for this nice short week:
Keep work happy. Plan for interview next week. Stay one night with Buddy at Staz's mom's house. Plan for trip to Staz's birthplace. This is why I'm happy about it: New Possibilities. Old Comforts. I have a home, people and animals who love me and miss me when I'm not there. There is food in the cabinet and fuel in my car. Thats more than many others have and I appreciate them all.

This is actually a long time in coming, since it happened about two weeks ago, but still worth mentioning: So you know those times when you're driving and you look down at something, and you look up and the guy in front of you is signaling a turn and no longer moving? And you know how you slam on your brakes and come to a hard, panicked stop just inches away and you get the living &^%$ scared out of you? Sometimes you don't quite make it. So it was that I plowed into the back of some poor teenage girls' Chevy Cavalier the other morning. Well, ok, maybe plowed is a bit strong, but the result was the same. An accident that was completely and totally my fault. My truck was virtually undamaged, a minor dent in the front bumper. (They don't make 'em like that anymore) Meanwhile her rear bumper was smushed pretty good, and her trunk lid was accordioned. I felt like such an ass. The car was probably her her pride and joy, and my inattention ensured it would never be the same. Ironically, she had to call it in since I don't have a cell phone. Yet another example of my current social status that this teenager enjoys more of the common luxuries than I do. I used to get really sick of that. Now I guess I'm just used to it. So the cop didn't do anytihng to me at all. Didn't even get out of the cruiser. No ticket, no points. Just got my info and sent me on my way. As it is, nothing wil probably happen to me. Thank goodness for no-fault insurance. But still a very upsetting morning. I have now been in two accidents my entire life. Both were rear-ends. Both were my fault. Both resulted in massive damage to the other car while I got away unscathed. Just lucky I guess.

A perpetual source of frustration is my boss and his various whims from day to day. He's got it in his head that we're GOING to Lexington today to meet with some refuse hauler so that we can look at and ride around in his trucks and have a good old time... Me: Thats great Bossman, but there's an issue with the Front Loader and Rear Loader tailgates and the holes for the taillights. They're not fitting properly and I need to investigate that. Bossman: That's for manufacturing to figure out. i can't spare you to work on every minor detail that isn't working properly. I just want to be clear on this. Aren't we the engineers? Isn't it our job to make sure everything is working properly? Argh. I learned this a long time ago and it still holds true. I'm much happier if I just don't care. We're holding up the production line? Outgoing product is sub-standard? It's a good thing I don't care or I'd really be upset.