I found out yesterday that I didn't get that job I interviewed for. It was disappointing but not heartbreaking. I've intentionally let my job search lax a bit in recent weeks. I really have no idea what to do for the near and/or distant future. We're talking about leaving but have no idea where to go. We're thinking that when Staz graduates we'll be moving, but thats only about 6 months from now. I simply cannot justify starting over with a new job for only a six month stint. My career is already too scattered and disjointed to survive more instability. What we really need to do is decide where to go and start my search there...now. Experience has taught that any good career opportunity takes several months to materialize, and only after a lot of groundwork. Couple that with the raise I got just recently, and it makes for some very hard decisions. I don't know what to think. It's been a while since I enjoyed a job this much, where I had as much fun or enjoyed as much respect, or actually felt good about what I was doing. I can easily see myself in charge of the engineering department here. I already pretty much am, except in name.
But Staz is right too. What the hell good is all of the warm fuzzies and respect and admiration in the world if you can't pay your phone bill? If you're constantly putting off your life because you can't afford to do ANYTHING or go ANYWHERE? I'm so sick of living this way. There was a time when we could go out and have fun on occasion, when everything wasn't about how much food is in the pantry and how much fuel in the car. Every step forward leads to three steps backward, until I'm left to ask, Just how far back can we go?
Sometiimes I just wish someone would point in a direction and say, GO THAT WAY. Right or Wrong, good or bad, it would be a direction. I think that is what I am truly lacking right now.