The Burlap Soulmate

Where to begin? A habitually unremarkable blogger anyway, how can I possibly catch up on all things holiday and beyond. Only one way I guess, one at a time, in order of what seems most relevant in my mind... I'm so very happy and grateful to be able to breath again. And to talk again without pain. That little cold turned out to be an upper respiratory infection. Bad mama-jama but easily taken down by some serious anti-biotics. The downside is I seem to have every side-effect listed...lets see...diarrhea, check, stomach pain, check, nausea, check, dizziness, check. Oh well. I'll take it vs. what I went through on Saturday. The company that offered me that position balked at my suggested salary. Apparently the whole process of negotiation was somewhat lost on them. You know You go low, I go high, and we meet in the middle? Not exactly. They went up a little bit, enough to make a job change worth my while, but it still could've been handled better. As it is, I gave them a verbal yes. They want me to start ASAP and I can't help being a little excited and nervous about it. After much hand-wringing and him-hawing I gave notice today to my supervisor, who took it in stride, considering it came out of the blue like that. I mean, I had never expressed any dissatisfaction with my job because, to be honest, there wasn't any. He asked for 30 days notice instead of the conventional 2 weeks. I'm hoping the new place doesn't make an issue out of it. He also wanted me to think about it one last time, saying, "I won't be around here forever, and you're the obvious choice to take my place." A valid point to be sure. If I ever wanted to be an engineering or plant manager, I'm well on my way. I just don't know if my career can wait that long for advancement, or if I really want to settle down here for the long haul. I have to keep reminding myself that this is all pointless discussion when you can't pay your electric bill. I actually had a really good New Years. Staz was pretty upset about our plans being messed up. I was too, but I think being sick made it a little bit of a relief as well. I wasn't really up for that long drive, and I know I would have infected all of my friends if we had gone. We did that night on the cheap. Chinese food and sparkling cider in bed while watching TV. We were able to exchange the gifts we bought THAT DAY (Payday) We both bought underwear for each other. Go figure. She also bought me a badly needed electric shaver and something very special to be addressed later. I bought her a ring, though not the kind I would have preferred to buy. Delivered with a promise that it would be that kind of ring 'soon,' and not 'someday.' Someday is way too vague and could mean next year. That's just not good enough for me. Then it was another dose of prescription drugs and out at 1:00. The rest of the weekend was a massive clean-a-thon, shop-fest, and relax-o-rama, all of which I enjoyed immensely. I told you Sweetie, if I'm with you I'd have a good time doing laundry.

So I covered all of the recent stuff, including our more intimate Christmas. Now on the families: Christmas in Eastern Ky with Staz's family was everything it uaually is: fun, loud, awkward at times, hilarious at others. I give credit to her grandparents for coming up with new and fun games every year, and to her parents for making sure everyone has fun during those games. As for loot, I ended up with a glue gun (Craftsman no less) some work gloves, a manicure set...and I think thats it. We then spent time at her dad's new place where I received $50 and a tool box for my truck. Very cool, if somewhat inconvenient. It was obviously bought used since it had no mounting hardware with it. I'm going to have to make it up as i go along, and envision many holes being drilled into my truck bed. All in all I had a really good time, as I always do. We hit the road kind of early, but that way we weren't able to get sick of them either. After a teary goodbye to Gypsy in the kennel, we embarked on the 9-hour drive to Michigan to see my family. These visits have been habitually unpleasant. From an overly-dramatic mom to SERIOUSLY Type A personality siblings...who are now born again and more than willing to tell you all about it. And from there to my twin brother who has so many difficulties just functioning in life and whom I can do very little to help. This time, all went well. Maybe it was Staz's absence last year that got to them, but I was so grateful and so surprised. They were actually interested in what we were doing instead of just going through the motions. We had one on one time with everyone, including mom who was really really fun and entertaining to be with. We enjoyed some fun competition with some hard-assed 9-year olds. We may have even paved the way for a Gypsy visit in the near future, which would mean no more kennel stays. I'm cautiously optimistic. I really hope we can go up again this summer. I haven't skiied in forever.

Sigh...My old job REALLY doesn't want me to go. I spent the entire morning in a very informal meeting with my boss and the plant manager, talking about the future here, opportunities available, advancement, job satisfaction, etc. They made a good case for staying, as of course they would do, though their enthusiasm was pretty apparent and did not seem duplicitous. It's nice to be thought of that highly. It's nice to be in demand. I find my convictions wavering. ...and I still can't pay the electric bill.

I guess now it's official. Right or wrong, it feels good to have made a decision. This is the actual letter submitted this morning. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent.

You always know when it's quittin time here. And I'm not talking about the evening whistle. The mind just gets accustomed to the sound of a working plant. The hum of machines, the smash-clang of steel being cut, broken, and formed, the wail and beeping of vehicles and fork-lifts moving to and fro. It's funny how your mind gets used to it. Then after 3:30, absolute quiet. Such that your mind actually takes notice of the absence of racket and says, 'is it quitting time already?'

Which of the following companies have I not actually worked for? a) Intertech
b) Enprotec
c) Synertec
d) AcuTek No cheating by looking them up online either...

My first day at this new place hasn't even happened yet. Already I have: A cube
A really nice chair that doesn't sqeak or anything
A computer
A library (catalogs, documents and other boring stuff)
Business cards
A company mug They've got one of those cool water coolers with thecold AND hot water. I LOVE those. And beer in the fridge. I honestly don't know what to make of that. But I think I'm going to like it here. More first impressions to come at a later (and not so late-at-night) date.

I envy her sometimes. She has the ability to feel things on a much deeper level than I. She experiences life from deep within its bowels, instead of just observing it from afar as I do. I don't know what gives her that gift but I cherish it in her...most of the time. It is a double-edged sword after all. Her anger is to be feared, her sadness all encompassing. But her joy is boisterous. Her love warm and soft. I like who I am. I like being her rock. I love who I am with. I love her for who she is and always will be.

You know how sometimes an argument starts with your significant other, and they point out what you did/did not do or did/did not say to make them so mad, and your first reaction is to get all defensive and try to point out how it actually wasn't that bad and it really isn't all YOUR fault? But then you think about it and you realize that it really WAS all that bad and it really IS all your fault? And then you feel like a total scumbag and hope you can somehow make it better? Yeah, thats where I'm at... I'm sorry Sweetie.

3 more days till the job switch. It feels kinda wierd. I am both sad and excited at the same time. It's different from anything I've ever experienced. First of all, I've only voluntarily left a job I like once before. And even that didn't feel quite this traumatic. I think it's because as much as I liked that one, I wasn't nearly as important as I am at this place. As I'm having to teach and train people to do my duties, and the sheer amount of stuff that I do around here becomes apparent, i can't help feel like I'm bailing out on everyone here. It's silly. I know. The simple truth is I can't afford to work here. The cost of fuel and taxes alone is enough to make it necessary to leave. But this is one of those few times my logical side is being overshadowed by my emotional side. Shut up. It does too happen. Logic had nothing to do with choosing her. :)

Woohoo! After several false starts I successfully upgraded our video card from a 4MB to a 32 MB. Technical geeks take note: Tyan motherboards to NOT take kindly to 3dForce Video cards. Thankfully, the really nice guys at 'Laptops & More'in Florence, Ky gave me in exchange an ATI Radon 7000. I would have given them a proper shout-out in the form of a link but this computer store DOESN"T HAVE A WEB-SITE. Go figure. But I'll definitely be going there for all my future upgrades. So what does this blinding speed man for us? Not much really, since this is more of an internet portal and word processor. But it does mean I can install a few higher end games. I can even play Return to Castle Wolfenstein in all it's choppy, jittery glory. Guess that processor still needs a little tune-up. Just to illustrate how productive I was this weekend, I also installed the toolbox on my truck. Pictures to follow sometime soon. Well,its not exactly installed, more like loosely secured, at least until I can find a cordless drill to finish the final assembly. Or an extension cord that can reach 3 stories down to the parking lot. Be aware that it will probably only carry tools on rare occasions and will more likely be used to carry jumper cables, anti-freeze, oil, rope, jacks, the occasional grocery bag, and anything else I am sick to death of having to jam into the cab with me.

I feel like Alex Trebek. I have an answer: Now all I need is the question. Truth be told I don't like diamonds, the concept of them anyway. I don't like that they are a false commodity propped up to ridiculously high prices by a ruthless and corrupt cartel. I don't like that they are mined in third world African nations by generations of impoverished workers. I don't like how Western men are made to feel that if you can't afford the best or that your diamond doesn't measure up that somehow your love doesn't count for as much. I don't like jewery stores, where salesmen and women perch like gargoyles waiting to pounce on unsuspecting prey. All in all, diamonds would seem to be an abomination on paper. But damn how they do sparkle. And how my Sweetie's eyes lit up when she put on that one today. And how my heart sank when the really nice lady behind the counter (seriously, I actually liked this saleslady) said, 'This one is only $1400.00.' You may think me cheap, and heartless. After all, what is money when compared to making your one true love happy, with something she will look at forever and think of you. But for me. it's not about money, but time. $1400.00 means no ring for at least six months, and probably longer. It means continuing in this limbo called living together, calling her everything from the high schoolish 'girlfriend' to 'fiance' which inevitably leads to 'When is the big day?' Damned if I know. Do you see a ring on her finger? It's infuriating to me to be together 5 years, to go through financial implosion, catastrophic loss, fights, arguments, near separations, only to come out stronger and more in love than ever before. Yet we are somehow less because we do not have the hardware, the paper, or the joint tax form. I don't want to be married for them, society, family, whomever. I want it for us. I want her to be protected if something hapens to me. I want her to be the one the doctors have to talk to. I want the world to know that THIS is the one that I choose for me, forever. Most of all I just want her to know the same thing. I'm tired of waiting for someday. Screw someday. I want to call her what she really is, today, now. She is my wife. If only it were that easy.