The Burlap Soulmate

A lot to update about, just no motivation to do it lately. Feeling very blah. But here goes anyway: I worked a couple hours at my old job this past week. It was a quick $50.00 just when we needed it. It was good to be back there. I'd forgotten how much fun it was. I actually kind of miss it. But I don't miss the whole, not being able to feed my family part of working there. The robot had been giving them fits for a month...I fixed it in 30 minutes....yes, I'm THAT good. :) I also got several weld burns for my trouble. It's not as bad as it sounds. When a welder is in action, the radiation thrown out can burn your skin just like being in the sun too long. So now I have a nice pink hue in the middle of our midwestern winter. Feeling kind of useless at work lately. All of the fun stuff of working on these machines is done, and what remains to get them done is all of the boring documentation stuff. I just feel really unmotivated. It doesn't help that I have to ask for work to do rather than just have it handed to me. I've never been that disciplined. I think my boss likes me. I don't think the owner does. Though usually perky and personable, I barely rate a passing smile from her anymore. I'm trying not to let it bother me. For the first time in a while, I don't absolutely dread Christmas with every core of my being. I think it's the prospect of not having to spend a mint on everyone. Or maybe it's our new christmas tree. (still in the box) All I know is I've feeling, whats the word? Festive. Wednesday was payday. I wouldn't recommend my financial practices to ANYONE hoping to make it in this world, but they seem to work for the moment. I have no credit cards. The Bankruptcy (or BK, as it is known to those in the industry) pretty much took care of that. I also have no 401K, no IRA, no savings account, no checking account. I have no account of any type ANYWHERE. When I receive my check every two weeks, I take it to my employer's bank and cash out. It's a bit radical, but has saved me gynormous overdraft fees in the long run. I don't have to worry about whether or not this expense or that expense cleared. If I have $20.00 in my wallet, I have $20.00 to spend on necessities, no more, no less. Though practical for the moment, it has it's own inconveniences. Walking out of a bank with over $1000.00 cash is a little disconcerting, and one can easily become paranoid. I tend to get it in large bills too so my wallet isn't 3 feet thick. It's even more fun to try and buy a box of cereal and some milk with a $100.00 bill (because, you know, I'm ALL about the Benjamins) at kroger and having one clerk yell across the aisle to another, 'Hey Becky, you got change for a hunnert?' Then you get to make eye contact with everyone as they all turn to look at the arrogant bastard with more money than sense. Good think it will all be gone by the weekend.

I'm in a bit of a career quandry. I still like what I do. Hell, I seem to be made for it. But as I sit and listen to another vendor tell us how late we are with yet another invoice, it dawned on me that I have not worked for a really stable company in 6 years. Over the past three I have had paychecks bounce, bonuses promised, then rescinded, been told that I DESERVE a raise but that the company simply can't afford one. It's making me rethink my whole career choice and consider that maybe engineering just isn't profitable. We don't seem to do all that well and neither do the companies I work for, which seem to limp from invoice to invoice just like I limp from paycheck to paycheck. At the same time, I see boku ads for nurses, accountants, pharmacists, many with exhorbitant starting salaries and/or signing bonuses. It's making me seriously consider a career change. It's all blue sky thinking of course. There is no way we could afford for me to start over at school again. Not with a wedding and even a house in the near future. But I still think about it, and keep hoping those predictions about the dire need for engineers I was told back in college will eventually come true.

What do you think? I like it. Very festive. Not that I'm feeling festive lately but it's more in tune with the season. Thank you Sweetie. You put so much time (and money) into this that I'm really going to try and update more. Promise.

Regular readers of Staz already know the employment woes on our end. Unfortunately, they don't stop with her. There's always been hints about how bad things are for my company. Irritable vendors, past due invoices, etc. but they always seem to struggle forward. But things have never quite been THIS bad. I'm on a spending freeze. I can buy absolutely nothing for my projects. This will likely doom them all to failure. It makes me nervous, angry, dejected. They will not be finished. We will not be able to request payment for them, and money will not be coming in as fast as it is going out. It's never a good thing when the bosses are in a closed door meeting and raised voices can be heard. It's never a good thing when collectors start calling. I think it is safe to say my job is in jeopardy. I've already started looking. As far as I know, no one here reads this. I think I would know since that entry where I called my boss a b-rhymes with witch. :) didn't come back to bite me. Hopefully, that is still the case. So how is your day going?

I should apologize for the general tone of that last post. It seems I may have been overreacting and that I am not, in fact, due to join the ranks of the unemployed anytime soon. I'm sure my feelings of doom and gloom were exacerbated by working with the resident sourpuss within the company. I swear, if we hire any more mechanical assemblers, can we PLEASE get someone who does not have a giant chip on their shoulder and way too much attitude for their own good? And the thing is, this project has it's problems, but to hear him talk, you'd swear we were doomed to absolute and catastrophic failure and the company is going down in a ball of flame as a result. Grrr....don't poop on my parade just because your life sucks pal.

Theres something sobering about putting together your Christmas card list. (at this point it's more like a New Years card list) In a neat and tidy list are all of the people you've met through your life and like to keep in contact with. Your life boiled down to a series of relationships. These are the people that I tell the big stuff: We're engaged, or come to our wedding, or see our new baby, or worse, grieve the untimely passing... That took a morbid turn somewhere. Must be the drugs. Did I mention I was sick again? Me and viruses man, we're tight. I can't ever get rid of the bastards.

So if you dream about blogging does that count as a valid post? I think it should.